


take all the courage you have left

by unusannus



Series: oh partner in crime, i’m going to try to fall in love with you again. [1]
Category: The Last of Us
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon-Typical Violence, Dogs, F/F, Mild Hurt/Comfort, a small king, but Dina will help, ellie is Big Sad in this one folks, jj is his true baby self, ngl writing the albeit minor joel stuff Hurts me, no beta we die like men, really just one but he's a good boy don't worry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-06
Updated: 2020-07-06
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:28:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25116904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unusannus/pseuds/unusannus
Summary: Placing her hands on either side of herself she feels something soft under her right one. Looking down, she realizes it’s Ollie. The tattered purple elephant is no worse for wear than before. Ellie can almost hear the break in her heart at the thought of JJ crying over his favorite toy being left behind. He must be giving Dina so much trouble over it.So, she stands up. A new sense of confidence creeping its way deep inside her.ORIn the aftermath of being left alone, Ellie heads to Jackson under the pretext of returning JJ's toy and maybe earn something else in return.
Relationships: Dina/Ellie (The Last of Us)
Series: oh partner in crime, i’m going to try to fall in love with you again. [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1849987
Comments: 17
Kudos: 240





	1. return

**Author's Note:**

> i began writing this after finishing the game to give myself a sense of closure. it certainly helped and i hope you all enjoy it!! this is my first tlou fic, so i hope i got it down pretty good.

Ellie sets the guitar down, with it a weight goes away as well. The beach had changed her, for better or worse she still did not know. Knowing she had the option to kill Abby but not doing so had been enough for her to realize she wasn’t as far gone as she had once thought. 

  


Had killing countless others for no reason and not killing the one she wanted all this time been fair? She still didn’t know that answer either.

  


She rubs her calloused fingers against each other, trying to feel something. She can recall Joel telling her that once that roughness appeared on them, then she would play the guitar better. He had been right.

  


_ Joel _

  


A shiver runs through her body. His bloodied face flashes for a millisecond in her mind, gone as quick as it came. She shrugs as if that would be enough to get rid of the trauma. It’s much lighter now, though, with her recent decisions.

  


As she leaves the room she’s once again reminded of the empty home she’d walked into. No Dina or JJ to greet her with open arms as she had hoped. No gentle kisses and promises to never go back out there again. Nothing.

  


Ellie sighs. The tears weren’t pouring from her eyes and she wasn’t shaking. She felt numb to the emptiness. She finds the wall and drags herself down to sit against it before she can even register what she’s doing. It’s rough like her fingers, or what’s left of them.

  


Placing her hands on either side of herself she feels something soft under her right one. Looking down, she realizes it’s ollie. The tattered purple elephant is no worse for wear than before. Ellie can almost hear the break in her heart at the thought of JJ crying over his favorite toy being left behind. He must be giving Dina so much trouble over it. 

  


So, she stands up. A new sense of confidence creeping its way deep inside her.

  


She was going to give him his toy back if it was the last thing she’d do.

  


**_____**

  


The only place Ellie can think of that they’d gone to was Jackson. Sifting through the fields of wheat in the front yard gives her time to think of a plan. Re-supplied and rested she’s sure the estimated day long trip would be easy enough.

  


Her side was still sore to the bone. She prayed the few stitches she had put in wouldn’t tear before she arrived. As she sips on a canteen of water it feels like all her fingers are actually there. She’d heard this phenomenon be called ghost fingers. Your brain tries to compensate for the loss by pretending nothing has changed.

  


Dealing with Joel’s death had done that to her. She still thinks she sees him in the little moments, like when JJ was first put in her arms at the small hospital in Jackson she swore he was standing in the room too, grinning in that way he always did when he was proud of her. He had mouthed at her  _ thank you _ . To this day she’s still not sure why he said that.

  


He was even there when she had first arrived back at the empty house. Sitting next to her as she played the same song from their last conversation. He hadn’t said a single word that time.

  


**_____**

  


A few hours in she stumbles upon an abandoned shopping plaza, with no other way around she ducks behind a broken car to keep away from the sight of any infected hanging around. She was not in the mood to deal with them right now. 

  


It seems to only be runners as she shuffles bit by bit past the stores until she accidentally steps on some glass from a broken window and it makes a sickening crackling noise. She doesn’t pay much attention to the noise, at least not until the sound of clicks gets louder from behind her. 

  


_ Great. _

  


The clicker is on her before she can take out her shotgun. Its screams attract the attention of other infected nearby. Grunting, she shoves it off and then runs up to it and stabs it in its neck before it plops down on the ground, twitching for a few seconds and then lying still. 

  


Ellie looks up to see a horde running up to her. This time she does take out her shotgun and throws a molotov for good measure before unloading some slugs into the crowd. The blood of one near her splatters onto her face. She doesn’t flinch. 

  


As more and more come out of the shadows. It registers that she’ll run out of ammo before she can take down even half of them, so she runs. She runs and runs, vaulting over cars and fences as fast as she can. Once the screams start to fade she catches her breath, laying a hand on her chest.  _ That could’ve gone better,  _ she thinks to herself. 

  


Taking in her surroundings, she doesn’t recognize where she is. When she ran she paid no attention to anything other than getting to some relative safety and now she was lost. 

  


Getting to Jackson wasn’t going to be a day trip now it seemed. Ellie sighs, feeling winded and angry and distraught all at the same time. She  _ wants  _ to cry, to scream and wail. But, she can’t. Her throat seems to constrict into itself whenever those feelings arise and her tongue feels dryer than ever. She doesn’t drink her water, though. Instead she takes off her backpack and looks at a picture she had packed in it. 

  


It’s a framed one of her, Dina, and JJ smiling happily sitting in front of their small playground. Tommy had taken it one day he visited. 

  


She brushes her fingers over their faces, the urge for tears coming back again. As always, she can’t let it out, not yet.

  


So, she sits there for a few minutes, dry tongue and all.

  


**_____**

  


In the dead of night Ellie awakens. Somehow she had let herself fall asleep in the middle of god knows where and nothing had happened to her or her stuff. Her backpack was still clutched in her pale, bloody hands like they were hanging on for dear life. 

  


It’s moments like this where she wishes she had a way to tell time. Joel’s watch is with her, but that had stopped working years ago. She guesses it’s past midnight since the moon is hanging high and clear now. Having napped already, the sleepiness is gone and she stands, stretching her arms up in the air. 

  


She takes out her compass, trying to get her bearings and find the easiest way to Jackson. The small needle points to the N. Ellie’s pretty sure that Jackson was somewhere in the northwest of their home, so that shouldn’t be too far off of where she ended up after the plaza. 

  


Hanging the backpack straps on her shoulders, she sets off in the cover of the darkness. The woods seem to be relatively safe from any infected wandering in. But, Ellie doesn’t let her guard down and keeps her pistol in hand at all times. 

  


An hour in, she hears something whimpering further ahead. It makes her pause for all of two seconds before she walks forward slowly, gun raised in defense.

  
  


Moving closer, she turns her flashlight to the mystery noise. 

  


It’s a small black dog on its side. 

  


Ellie gasps softly at the sight. Looking closer, she notices the blood surrounding it. She sees a deep cut on its back. As she prods near the wound it yelps and sends her falling back in response.

  


“What the hell, man?” She whispers angrily, voice hoarse since she hasn’t spoken to anyone in a few days. The puppy tries to growl at her, but it seems to be growing weaker and weaker every second. Ellie brushes herself off as she stands.

  


“Hey, hey, it’s all good, bud. Just let me take a look.” She coos, trying to calm it as she examines the cut closer. It doesn’t look life threatening, but if no one had found him he might’ve bled out. Ellie frowns at the sight, zipping open her backpack once again to pull out some gauze to try and contain the bleeding.

  


He stops squirming at the realization that Ellie isn’t going to hurt him. She scoops him up into her arms once the bleeding comes to a stop. “What am I gonna do with you?” She wonders aloud, staring into his beady brown eyes. He only tilts his head in response.

  


“Maybe JJ will like you, or even Dina.” She tells him, pausing she furrows her brows before continuing, “I’ll call you raptor. That sound good to you?” She asks. 

  


He sticks his tongue out happily at her and she takes that as a yes. 

**_____**

  


Continuing with a dog added a few challenges to Ellie’s journey. One being the appetite of Raptor. He wasn’t exactly at a healthy weight due to being stuck out in the woods for who knows how long and eating nothing. So he takes advantage of his cuteness to ask for scraps anytime Ellie finds the reprieve of food around abandoned buildings and her hunts of wild game.

  


He’s soon able to walk on his feet in a sort of limping manner and Ellie makes sure he doesn’t wander off too far when he does. He growls at anything that moves or looks out of place, and sometimes it’s helpful to see infected before they see her so she doesn’t reprimand him much for that. He was trying his best.

  


She crouches down next to him as he curls up to take a nap on a pile of leaves, “Tired, huh?” She remarks softly as his snores begin. She sets down her bag and scratches behind his ears, taking the moment to gauge their surroundings. 

  


She walks a little forward and hears a snapping noise before she’s lifted into the air by her foot, yelling in surprise at the sudden movement. A snicker comes from behind her. She looks over helplessly at the backpack she left by Raptor. 

  


Desperately trying to unwrap the rope from her foot, she doesn’t see the man in front of her until he grabs her arm to stop her from moving. 

  


“What do we have here?” The man smirks, “I’m gonna have some fun with you.” He pats her down in a gross manner to double check for weapons. He lingers on her hips before screaming in pain. 

  


Looking down, Ellie sees Raptor’s mouth tightly clamped on his right leg. Her initial happiness is gone when the man kicks him away and Raptor whimpers, staying put now because he was still healing from the cut. 

  


Ellie takes advantage of the distraction to swing herself forward and grab onto the man’s neck, choking him. She grabs the knife in his pocket and stabs it into the side of his neck before letting go and cutting away the rope on her foot. 

  


Dropping down, she groans at the impact and feels her side becoming wet with the sticky liquid of blood. Her stitches had been torn open. She crawls over to Raptor, who stands and stumbles over to her to lick her face. She chuckles at the sensation and is grateful for the temporary distraction from her now open wound.

  


She scoffs at her own stupidity as memories of Santa Barbara come back, “I can’t believe this has happened twice now.” Glancing at the dog, she smiles softly, “At least I had you this time.”

  


She shakily sits up, dragging herself and Raptor to her backpack. She uses some more gauze to clean themselves up and disinfects the cuts with a half empty bottle of alcohol she had found yesterday. 

  


From that moment on, Ellie concludes that she needs to move faster because she’d rather not deal with any more surprises like that one. She moves on with Raptor by her side and little rest because even if Dina doesn’t let her back in, she  _ needs  _ to apologize for all she’s done. 

  


**_____**

  
  


The gates to Jackson are tightly shut and Ellie walks up to them with one arm up in the air and the other over the blood seeping from the cut.. “It’s me!” She mumbles, disoriented to the man and woman overlooking the entrance. They seem to do a double take after seeing her for the first time in over a year. 

  


She’s not sure how much blood she’s lost so far, but the amount is starting to catch up with her as she heaves in front of the entrance, the muffled voices of the man and woman not registering in her head. There’s a slight ringing in her ears as she lifts her hand on the wound to her face. It’s almost completely dark red. The adrenaline of prior events fades away and all she’s stuck with is the white hot pain searing into her side, traveling all over her body. 

  


Crumbling to her knees, she grits her teeth. Somehow, there are people already surrounding her, looking up she recognizes one of the guards, she thinks his name is William or something like that. 

  


Ellie locks eyes with him, “Dina, I-I need to find Dina. Where-Where is she?” She stutters out, vision blurring even more. She really needs to throw up. 

  


Before he can even open his mouth, she passes out.

  


**_____**

  


Slowly, Ellie awakes to an incessant beeping at her side. She squints at the bright lights in whatever room she’s in right now, involuntarily groaning at the annoyance. It reminded her of Santa Barbara, the sunlight had almost given her a nasty sunburn if she would have stayed any longer. 

  


She tries to sit up, but quickly stops midway at how much the simple action hurts her. At this point, she’s pretty sure she’s in Jackson’s central hospital. Memories of JJ’s birth flood into her mind as she studies the room. He had looked so small in her arms that day, and she had jokingly called him a potato. The nickname had stuck ever since then.

  


The door swings open quickly, and the person freezes at seeing Ellie conscious.

  


It’s Dina. 

  


“Oh, you’re awake.” Dina states simply, shutting the door behind her. Her expression is one Ellie has never seen before, or, really, one she had never been on the wrong side of. 

  


Ellie gulps at her coldness, “I don’t-” She stops herself, starting over and settles on asking, “What am I doing here?”

  


Dina quirks an eyebrow, “You passed out.” Sighing, she continues, “And they told me you were asking for me, so I got dragged into it.”

  


Ellie nods slowly, “I’m sorry.” She offers Dina quietly, afraid to make her leave again if she spoke any louder.

  


“Yeah, me too.” Dina whispers, voice breaking. 

  


Not being able to take the silence and tension any longer, Ellie spills out what she came all this way for, “I’m sorry, Dina. I’m sorry for being such a jerk, for all the sleepless nights I must’ve given you with me being gone for so long. I put revenge above our family and that is  _ unforgivable _ . I know it’s too late for us, but I need you to know this.” 

  


Dina doesn’t say a word for a few seconds, Ellie notices now that her eyes are red rimmed from her crying before their conversation.

  


“Why did you come back here?” 

  


Ellie stills, feeling a little surprised at the question, but answers honestly, “When I got to the farm, Ollie had been left in the house, so I wanted to bring him back to JJ. I-I can’t imagine how sad he must’ve been, leaving him behind.” Pausing, Ellie purses her lips, shakily adding, “And for you, too”

  


At this declaration, Dina immediately shakes her head as tears run down her cheeks, “Jesus christ, you can’t just  _ do _ that, Ellie.”

  


“Do what?” Ellie exasperatedly asks, careful to not move around too much and hurt herself.

  


“Pretend you care! You left me. You left  _ us _ . Do you know how hard it was to make JJ understand he was probably never going to see you again? He cried entire nights over it. Do you know how hard it was for  _ me? _ I loved you, you asshole!” Her face is red as she finishes. 

  


Ellie wants nothing more than to hold her as she weeps, to whisper sweet nothings in her ear and promise her that she’s never leaving ever again. But, she can’t. She knows her place is not the same as it used to be. She has reverted back into a stranger peeking into Dina’s life. 

  


Before Ellie can gather her thoughts, Dina speaks again, “I don’t know if I can do this, Ellie. Not right now. Everything has changed.”

  


Ellie now feels her own eyes welling up with tears. How could she have been so stupid to leave the perfect life? Why had she put the death of someone above the lives of those who were still with her? 

  


Ellie softly agrees, “Okay.” She clenches and unclenches her fist to calm herself and not say anything stupid because she understands that Dina needs her space now more than ever. Letting out a shaky breath, she repeats, “Okay. I can do that. I can leave you alone if that’s what you want.”

  


Dina chews on her bottom lip, “I’m not sure what I want anymore. We can still see each other and be friends. You can still be in JJ’s life, but anything more than that...” She trails off, “I’m not sure I could handle it.”

  


Ellie knows that that’s more than she could have ever dreamed of before even setting foot in Jackson. The selfish part of her, that had laid dormant since Santa Barbara was coming back. She can’t help but want  _ more _ . As unrealistic as it may be now she wants to argue with Dina and tell her what she wants.

  


Instead, she bites her tongue and agrees to the terms. She was in no position to make any demands now.

  


The room’s door opens for the second time to reveal a woman holding a distressed JJ. Ellie realizes it’s Jesse’s mom. It feels like forever since they’ve seen each other.

  


“Sorry to bother you girls, but he seems to be getting a little hungry.” She tells them, patting down his soft hair to soothe his cries.

  


Dina is up so quick that Ellie is surprised she doesn’t get whiplash. She grabs him and then turns to Ellie. Even after months, he lights up into a smile once he sees Ellie’s face. She returns the smile. Dina notices his change in expression and holds him out for Ellie to grab him.

  


It feels like older and simpler times, and yet Ellie can’t help but ask, “Are you sure?” 

  


Dina nods.

  


He seems to have gotten so much bigger in such a short span of time. His babbling in her ears is comforting and reminds Ellie of what she’s been missing out on. 

  


“Hi, potato. I’ve missed you little dude.” She exclaims as he runs his chubby hands all over her face. She laughs.

  


They spend a few minutes talking, or really, Ellie spends a few minutes talking while he responds with random outbursts of excitement. Dina watches them silently off to the side, a gentle smile making its way to her face, only talking when she’s addressed by either of the two.

  


Once JJ begins to tire out, Dina scoops him up. Ellie knows she’s getting tired, too. The pain medicine having just been refilled. She bids the two goodbye, missing the farewell kiss Dina would usually give her. She settles on the quick, but firm hug that actually happens. 

  


Drifting off into her dreams, she feels a safety that had been sorely missed. 

  


  



	2. rekindle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> title pretty much says it all.

Living with Dina was hard, Ellie would come to realize. The guest room was bland and simple, devoid of the life that was usually in their shared bedroom from before. Dina had been insistent on letting Ellie live there, despite Ellie knowing that it would hurt her even more to see the two everyday without loving them in the way she had before.

In a few weeks her and Dina were able to find a comfortable rhythm and work around each other. If Dina was getting stressed over too much work, Ellie would then step in to help and take a load off by taking care of JJ and vice versa. Intimacy was out of the question, though. The pair had settled on hugs and the rare holding of hands. 

Raptor mostly stayed with Ellie as he knew her best, but he had warmed up to Dina and JJ soon enough. He became a much loved member of the Jackson community as well. Dina had even gotten a picture of him and JJ playing together framed for the living room.

There were nights when Ellie would awake from nightmares, gasping for breath and drenched in sweat. Raptor would always be at the foot of her bed and snuggling up to her to try and ease whatever trouble he senses she was in. Ellie never thought she would ever be so grateful for such a little dog.

She never made much noise when she dreamt of those horrible things. Images of blood and screams that she knew she would live with for the rest of her life. The worst part was never the nightmares themselves, it was the fact that she would wake up alone on an empty bed accompanied with an equally empty heart.

On one particular night, Ellie couldn’t take the plain white walls in the bedroom any longer and got up to get a glass of water from the kitchen, but not before assuring Raptor that she was okay with a few pats on the head.

She fills up a random mug and nurses it as she stares out the open blinds of a window. Her mind wanders to Dina as it usually does. Her smile, her warmth, her love. Ellie hasn’t given herself time to mourn the loss of all those things being directed at her. Closing her eyes, she holds back tears.

“Hey.”

Ellie almost drops her mug at the voice suddenly speaking from behind her, “Shit.” She mutters to herself, turning around quickly.

Arms raised in surrender, Dina takes a step back, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.” Once she sees Ellie’s face return to a normal color she continues, “I heard shuffling down here and wanted to check it out.”

Ellie rubs her eyes, hoping Dina will think she’s just tired and wasn’t about to bawl her eyes out, “Oh, okay. It’s uh- It’s just me, not a monster.” She weakly jokes.

“Just a girl. Not a threat, right?”

Ellie scoffs, that night felt like it was lived in another life. The casualness and carefree nature of the dance was something she hadn’t felt in a long time. 

“You know, Joel talked to me about us that night.” Ellie tells Dina.

She raises her eyebrows in surprise, whether it was at the change of subject or Ellie nonchalantly mentioning his name after not ever being able to do so without crying was a mystery to Ellie.

Ellie keeps talking fast, afraid if she gives it a second thought that she’ll never be able to get it out, “Yeah, it was after the fight with Seth. I went up to his porch. He was playing his guitar and uh-” She clears her throat at the tears pooling in her eyes, “He said he had no idea what your intentions were, but that you’d be lucky to have me.” 

Dina clasps Ellie’s trembling hand, helping her set the mug down gently before fully enveloping it with both of her hands.

“He always had a knack for that old man wisdom, huh.” 

Ellie laughs softly.

“He was right, though. I was and still am very lucky to have you around.” Dina says, not letting her hand go.

Ellie furrows her eyebrows, looking at Dina like she just said she hates JJ, “You don’t have to lie to me.” 

Dina purses her lips, “I’m not.” 

Two words. Two simple words and it sends Ellie to finally cry. The tears she had forced down ever since her return to the farm seem to come out in full force this time. There was no holding back. So, she cries as quietly as she can so as to not wake up JJ into Dina’s shoulder, who says nothing as she soothingly rubs Ellie’s back and kisses her forehead once. 

Dina’s expression softens as she runs a hand through Ellie’s hair, “Come back to bed.” She tugs at her hand slightly to go upstairs into the main bedroom. 

Ellie’s confused for a moment before she understands what Dina’s really trying to tell her. Without another word, Ellie follows her up to see a snoring JJ in the middle of the bed. They slip under the sheets on either side of him, finally letting go of each other's hands as they get comfortable.

Sniffing, Ellie looks at Dina, “Thank you.” She whispers, a thousand other thank you’s are left unsaid, but she means all of them in this one. Joel would’ve been proud of her. She doesn’t see him this time. Nonetheless, she believes her grieving can start now, even a year later.

Dina can only smile back at that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading <3 kudos and/or comments are appreciated!! i have another tlou idea for a fic, so look out for that. it'll be much fluffier and cute i promise.

**Author's Note:**

> if you can guess where raptor got his name from i'll give you a cookie. 
> 
> also, listening to the last time by taylor swift made writing some of these parts much sadder.


End file.
